By, Roxiticusdh

Mariuca tagged me a couple days ago with the following "Complaint Meme," and now I have just the rant for her, so here goes!

The following message from Comcast and Patriot Media showed up in my e-mail last Thursday, April 17th.

You might be asking yourself, "What is going to happen to my Internet services?" Oh, no, I don't have to ask myself, I know it is nothing good.

Be on the lookout for your invitation to transfer your Patriot e-mail account(s) to Comcast. Please keep an eye out for this email--it will inform you when the change to Comcast has begun and provide instructions for you to begin the email transfer process. Yes, in the last two months, you've signed up for thirty-seven (37) blogging-related services with your @patmedia e-mail address, so now we're going to change it to @comcast and stop forwarding your mail. Just Comcastic!

We are working to make the transition to Comcast High-Speed Internet as smooth and easy as possible. However, during this transition, you may experience some temporary service interruptions. You will have to completely re-boot your computer over and over again to restore your annoyingly intermittent Internet access. Your Internet will shut down every time you attempt to post to your blog, or leave a comment on Other People's Blogs (OPB). Should this occur, we appreciate your patience and understanding. We know you're getting madder and madder; however, we know where you live and you don't know where we live. Please be assured that we will act quickly to fix any problems and minimize your inconvenience. We don't really care one bit.

Should you encounter connectivity issues, you may be able to resolve them on your own by following these simple steps:
If you are experiencing connectivity issues with your high-speed Internet service, you will need to reset your Internet modem. To do this, simply unplug the modem for a minimum of 60 seconds, plug it back in, and then restart your computer. If a router is connected to your high-speed Internet modem, please follow the manufacturer's instructions to reboot it.
Shut down your laptop. Get out of bed. Go down two flights of stairs to cable modem central in the basement. Stub toe on children's craft project left out on the floor by the stairs. Turn modem off, name the capitals of all 50 United States, then turn modem back on and start on international capitals....or whatever they call them DownUndah (hi, Buffy!). If any of the green lights turn on and stop flashing wildly, count your blessings and go up one flight of stairs to the office and turn the router off and on. Watch for more encouraging green lights. Go back upstairs, get in bed, turn on laptop. Still no Internet? Go ahead and use those words, your kids have been asleep for hours.

Your world is about to be Comcastic! Brought to you by the same Comcastic people who shut your cable service down in Bay Head, may never turn it on again, and keep asking you to return your modem (which was purchased online at Circuit City) to the local Comcast office in Brick, NJ.